Name: dermin starfish
Location: the edge of civilisation
Description: An alien starfish who is immortal. On Dermin's home planet, it is illegal to purchase any more than three yellow items at once but it is legal to kill a of cat with a chisel if it is between 18 and 36 inches long. That is the chisel by the way, not the cat. Dermin enjoys eating cheese and onion flavoured crisps and playing chess on his own (he always wins). Dermin does not usually take to any purple cars but has no problem with luminescent green pineapples. In many religions, Dermin is considered a God, although he once lost to Harry Potter at tennis. Even though Dermin is dyslexic, he still enjoys reading the dictionary, trying to find words which contain the letter 'c'. Occasionally, Dermin comes out of his underwater cave to socialise with others or work at his local Tesco. In wasn't until the year 12 BC when Dermin finally released his first album, entititled 'chicken wings and other delicious things'. The reception was met with a mixed reaction, mainly consisting of comments such as "what the hell is a CD?" and "get the hell out of my house". However, this did not bother Dermin the Starfish as he brought out his third and final album, some 207 Earth years previously. On many planets, Dermin cannot play Poker due to a fear of anti-gravity poison, but on all existing planets, this is not a problem. In a recent scientific study carried out by octobeans, it was discovered that Dermin was the founder of Apple Computers and that all allegations regarding his private sex life, were of course, neither true or false. Since writing his novel on the time he got stuck in a lift, he has eaten more coral than any other dog in the world. But perhaps more importantly, he went into the future and killed his only son, meaning that, well... he didn't have a son anymore. Without Dermin, it is acknowledged that the world would be a safer, more eco-friendly and less boring place. However, his existance has been justified several times, most significantly when he invented the man hole and the man hole cover... on the same day! Nowadays, it is only possible to see Dermin through a kalidescope, but existance of his faeces have been found, meaning he must be alive and amongst us. If you were to infore NATO of his whereabouts, you would wake up a deserted desert island somewhere near other islands without electricty. Only those with 'the voice' will know where you live. If you want to find out more about Dermin, lick your own elbow and you will be contacted by the starfish himself within the next 77 years. 124 if you lick your elbow on a bank holiday.
Registered: 20 April 2009

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